That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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