So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
