we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
