Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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