You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
