I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Randomize
