I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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