Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
