she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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