I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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