At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
