that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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