Say something about gay babies.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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