i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
