You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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