So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
