flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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