my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
That accounts for only three of the penises
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
