I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
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i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
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WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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