The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
