I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
