these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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