wanna go halves on a baby?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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