So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
