If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
is wine microwaveable?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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