Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
