brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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