I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
