Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
