apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
