if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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