C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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