Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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