i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
