White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
