She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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