it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Still dying that you shit outside
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
