He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
