there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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