i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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