who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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