hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
birth control should be required to get into college
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
