Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
