and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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