Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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