"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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