Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Rumble strips road head = magical
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
