good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
