Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
