is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
