sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
