woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
