My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
