he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Randomize
