You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
