I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
