FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
