Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
