I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
