somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
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Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
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Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
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